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Showing posts with label Story (Not real). Show all posts
Showing posts with label Story (Not real). Show all posts

Friday, January 13, 2012

Vitamin commercials.

You're sitting there, watching TV when your every day, average vitamin commercial comes on.
There is a guy walking around on the street not looking very happy and he is holding some chocolates, and a stress ball that he's squeezing tightly.
"DO YOU CONSTANTLY HAVE GAS? THEN TRY TOOTASIL. THE #1 DOCTOR RECOMMENDED TOOT RELIEVING BRAND."
You see the guy take the pill, walk down the street a little, and he gets to release that annoying stress ball hes been holding on too so tightly. Good thing too, because he just arrived at the coffee shop to meet his date.
He gives her the chocolates, and they start smiling like there's no tomorrow. They talk a little bit even though you cant hear it as the announcer says:

WARNING: Ask your doctor if Tootasil is right for you. Don't take with other toot relieving medications.


Side effects may include:

  • Face spasms,
  • Random growths on your face,
  • A third arm,
  • The voice of a little girl,
  • Uncontrollable toot breath,
  • Insanity,



And other, not so serious side effects. Including, but not limited to:


  • Heart attacks,
  • Heart failure,
  • Death,
  • Stroke,
  • The mental state of a turkey.


As you're watching this you're thinking... What the heck?... Why would I ever get this?


In my opinion, most vitamin commercials are roughly like this.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Goldfish Crackers

Have you ever wondered how the Goldfish crackers are made? We did too.

So, we did a little research and it turns out that it’s a long process filled with with catching, punching, and robots.

The process starts, with robots fishing in the secret lake where the goldfish live.

Goldfish robots

After they catch some, they are too soggy to eat, so they lie them out in the sun to dry. THIS IS WHEN THEY DIE.

Dying fish

After they are all dry, and crispy, they take them to the factory, where they are crushed up. After that they inject some ingredients, like smiles, and sugar.

After that they stuff them into a fish shaped mold.

When they are done drying, they pop them out and scratch smiles onto their little faces.

They are them put in packages, and shipped to children everywhere.

Now you know.


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Cardboard Box. Part 1 and 2

Cardboard box is finally complete! I am happy to announce. It took about 15 hours of work to make this and I hope you enjoy it!

I merged the first post with the second for easier reading.


[Part 1]
A box came in the mail. What was inside it, is irrelevant. What matters, is that this was a large box. This was a strong box. This box was stronger than any box I have ever seen. It was amazing. I took the box as my own.


The box was all I needed. I used it as a tool, and a toy.

It was great for a wagon. You could put stuff inside it and drag it around.

It was also good for making you nearly invisible. All you had to do, was sit under it while its upside down. You then look like an ordinary box! Its a great get away.



The pros of a strong, sturdy cardboard box where unending.




One day, I was outside on a windy day walking with my box when it got blown out of my hands. I panicked and ran after the box as fast as my feet could carry me. The wind was too fast. Would I lose my box? Is this the end?
It is the end. The box was headed straight for the pond. It would then get wet and be ruined if I could even get it from shore.


It hit the water, and stayed there. In the middle of the pond. It was now wet enough not to blow around. Its only a matter of seconds before it sinks to the bottom of the pond. THIS IS THE END.



Wait, its not sinking yet.


Amazing! It floats! it actually floats! Huzzah! The box will survive and the world will be right!


Unfortunately the wind stopped, and it is now stuck in the middle of the pond.

[Part 2]
After throwing rocks at it, I decided that I needed a better plan. I got some string, and tied it around a rock. I threw the rock, but it was too small and didn't make it to the box.
I reeled in the smaller rock, and replaced it with a bigger one.
Still too light.

I then tried using a big rock, but that was too heavy to throw.
The rock thing isn't working out too well.

Then, I had a brain breaking slamma-jeamma. I ran back to the house and found a fishing rod. I returned to the pond and cast out the line, attempting to snag the box with the hook and reel it in. I missed three times. The third time I reeled it in, something amazing happened. There was a fish on the hook! How did I catch a fish!? What a stupid creature.



I then had another problem. Along with having my precious box in the middle of the pond, there was a fish biting the hook. And I didn't know how to remove it.


My first idea was to shake it off.

But that didn't work.

Next, I tried to lure it off with fruit snacks i had in my pocket.
That didn't work.

I had to revert to begging the fish to let go of the hook.
When that didn't work, I was forced to revert to drastic measures.


I laid the fish on the ground and marched off to find the biggest rock I could carry.

After finding the perfect rock, I returned to the fist, with the rock in my hands and told the fish.

"Let go of the hook, or I will make you."


After waiting for 32 seconds, I lifted the rock high, gaped at the fish.


After nothing happened, I brought the rock down.
Still nothing. This is one tough fish. I continued to beat for a while. I then grabbed the pole, and yanked a few times, then the hook came out. Thank you Mr fishy.

I threw the hook out twice more before finally hitting my target. I pulled steadily until the box touched the shore.
I dragged the box onto dry land, and then had a great idea. I ran back inside, leaving the box there. Inside, I grabbed a backpack. I put inside a sandwich, water, Band aids, matches, and gum. I ran back to my beloved box, and pushed it into the water.

After it was in the water, I hoped in.

It didn't sink, and only took in minimal water. The boat floated towards the center of the pond, and it was awesome. Once it reached the center, it stopped.

I was in my box, on the pond, with food, water, and band aids.

AWESOME.


After getting over my giddiness, I decided that I was hungry. I opened up the backpack, and produced a PB&J sandwich. I began to munch on it until i gobbled it all up.




Problem. - Hands are sticky. Face is sticky.

I used my water to wash my hands and my face. Which made them nice and clean. The only problem was that I used up all of my clean water. I also figured out that I was extremely thirsty after that peanut buttery sandwich. This is also a problem.


I contemplated drinking water from the pond. But then I realized that there where fish in there. And the fish poo in that water. No way I'm drinking that stuff.

I needed to get to shore. I needed a paddle.

I tried using the water bottle,

but that didn't work.

I could swim it, but then i would have to get wet. And that's not normal water. That's poo water.

I was going through my options, and I didn't have many. I decided I needed to calm down and look through my resources. I set my backpack on the cardboard floor, and emptied the contents. Band aids, Little plastic sandwich bag, water bottle, gum.

None of those things could work as a paddle. I made sure nothing else was in my backpack, when I felt this hard thing at the bottom of the backpack. It was the plastic thing to keep the backpack lined right. This would do fine! I pulled it out, reached over the edge of the box and started to paddle. Paddle paddle paddle paddle........
I'm spinning in circles... Oh no. I'm stuck.


The paddling wasn't doing anything but spinning me in circles! How could this happen!?

I am going to die out here. DIE.

The sun was high in the air and I was burning up. With no clean water, I was surely going to die withing hours. Maybe even minuets.


All I could do was feel sorry for myself.

Trapped. Surrounded by poo water, and dying of thirst.



After what felt like forever, I stood up to see if there where any people that I could call for help.


Oh, I must have drifted off to the side.

At last! dry land! No more poo water, no more thirst.
I then grabbed the soggy box that kept me alive, and dragged it wagon style back to the house, and drank until I was full.