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Showing posts with label Product. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Product. Show all posts

Friday, January 13, 2012

Vitamin commercials.

You're sitting there, watching TV when your every day, average vitamin commercial comes on.
There is a guy walking around on the street not looking very happy and he is holding some chocolates, and a stress ball that he's squeezing tightly.
"DO YOU CONSTANTLY HAVE GAS? THEN TRY TOOTASIL. THE #1 DOCTOR RECOMMENDED TOOT RELIEVING BRAND."
You see the guy take the pill, walk down the street a little, and he gets to release that annoying stress ball hes been holding on too so tightly. Good thing too, because he just arrived at the coffee shop to meet his date.
He gives her the chocolates, and they start smiling like there's no tomorrow. They talk a little bit even though you cant hear it as the announcer says:

WARNING: Ask your doctor if Tootasil is right for you. Don't take with other toot relieving medications.


Side effects may include:

  • Face spasms,
  • Random growths on your face,
  • A third arm,
  • The voice of a little girl,
  • Uncontrollable toot breath,
  • Insanity,



And other, not so serious side effects. Including, but not limited to:


  • Heart attacks,
  • Heart failure,
  • Death,
  • Stroke,
  • The mental state of a turkey.


As you're watching this you're thinking... What the heck?... Why would I ever get this?


In my opinion, most vitamin commercials are roughly like this.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Goldfish Crackers

Have you ever wondered how the Goldfish crackers are made? We did too.

So, we did a little research and it turns out that it’s a long process filled with with catching, punching, and robots.

The process starts, with robots fishing in the secret lake where the goldfish live.

Goldfish robots

After they catch some, they are too soggy to eat, so they lie them out in the sun to dry. THIS IS WHEN THEY DIE.

Dying fish

After they are all dry, and crispy, they take them to the factory, where they are crushed up. After that they inject some ingredients, like smiles, and sugar.

After that they stuff them into a fish shaped mold.

When they are done drying, they pop them out and scratch smiles onto their little faces.

They are them put in packages, and shipped to children everywhere.

Now you know.


Friday, October 14, 2011

Pickle Products.

A couple posts ago we had a random pickle. While on Amazon, I felt the urge to search, for an electric yodeling pickle. To my surprise you can actually get one!
I kind of seriously want to buy this thing. Especially after these reviews. (He gave it 4 stars):
I loaned my iPod to my kid and he broke it. This understandably bummed me out, since I really enjoy taking long walks on the beach while listening to some tune-age. I'm kinda low on funds, so buying a replacement iPod wasn't an option for me. I was very fortunate to discover the Yodeling Pickle. I have been super pleased with the results. First of all, as luck would have it, the Yodeling Pickle just happens to yodel all of my favorite tunes that were stored on my iPod. Hits like "Bobbejaan Schoepen yodels the collected works of Black Sabbath" and of course Slim Whitman's edgy yodeling rendition of "Baby Got Back."

I have withheld one star from my review however, giving the Yodeling Pickle just four of five possible stars. There isn't a headphone jack, which is only a problem if the folks around me don't appreciate yodeling, (which almost NEVER happens). Also, I was accustomed to carrying the iPod strapped to my arm with the elastic armband accessory. Nothing like this is available for the pickle. On my beach walks, I've found that the pickle can be carried around by conveniently in my belt. I've met tons of nice ladies on the beach since scoring the pickle. I can only assume they dig yodeling as much as I do.

It's a great portable music solution for yodeling fans. Cheaper than an iPod and the chicks seem to dig it.

Or how about this one?:

I've been searching high and low for a quality Electronic Yodelling Pickle for over 20 years now, and this one is by far the greatest one of them all. You won't find a better Electronic Yodelling Pickle on the market! I'm Roger Barr and I approved of this message

That, is good to know.

A snippet from another review:

It yodels. That's basically it. But if you listen closely, it yodels thoughts to you. I'm now turning my life around thanks to the advice it gives. I'm a little worried about some of the things it tells me to do, but what the Yodelling Pickle Toy tells me to do, I have to do. I don't make the rules. It does.

Those are seriusly real reviews.Dont believe me? Look it up yourself!

Wait... What?:
Now, you might laugh at this Pickle-pult and think it silly. However, I challenge you to look more deeply into the possibilities of any product, just as I did after putting some clever thought into the situation.

I needed a serious solution to my problem of no home defense capabilities. I have not been allowed to own or operate a gun since "the incident", so I needed some creativity to come up with an answer. I had tried a catapult, but after only a few shots, the cats tend to run away and never come back the next time you let them outside.

So what I do, is I buy the official "terrified pickles" accessory pack, and then I whittle one end of them down to a sharp point. This is tricky for me to do, since I am not allowed to own or handle knives since "the incident". Then when an unwelcome intruder enters my home or yard, I fire a terrified pickle, point first, in their direction. They tend to run off with the pickle still embedded, so I keep an abundant supply of replacement terrified pickles on hand.

Best of all, no one ever believes that they were injured by a whittled down plastic terrified pickle launched by a pickle-pult. In fact, one intruder spent four days in the psych-ward after trying to put that story across. So none of my humorless, paranoid family, friends, or neighbors has yet been able to obtain a court order denying me THIS method of self defense.

I will never look at a pickle the same way.

Isnt getting vinegar all over your teeth BAD?