Vitamin commercials.

You're sitting there, watching TV when your every day, average vitamin commercial comes on.
There is a guy walking around on the street not looking very happy and he is holding some chocolates, and a stress ball that he's squeezing tightly.
"DO YOU CONSTANTLY HAVE GAS? THEN TRY TOOTASIL. THE #1 DOCTOR RECOMMENDED TOOT RELIEVING BRAND."
You see the guy take the pill, walk down the street a little, and he gets to release that annoying stress ball hes been holding on too so tightly. Good thing too, because he just arrived at the coffee shop to meet his date.
He gives her the chocolates, and they start smiling like there's no tomorrow. They talk a little bit even though you cant hear it as the announcer says:

WARNING: Ask your doctor if Tootasil is right for you. Don't take with other toot relieving medications.


Side effects may include:

• Face spasms,
• Random growths on your face,
• A third arm,
• The voice of a little girl,
• Uncontrollable toot breath,
• Insanity,

And other, not so serious side effects. Including, but not limited to:

• Heart attacks,
• Heart failure,
• Death,
• Stroke,
• The mental state of a turkey.

As you're watching this you're thinking... What the heck?... Why would I ever get this?


In my opinion, most vitamin commercials are roughly like this.

My Great Aunts.

My Grandmas older sisters, Mary, Janet, and Grace are all crazy.


The oldest is Great Aunt Grace.
She is the oldest and the only "Normal" one. She's really short and not so crazy.
Since she's so normal, she doesn't really have anything awesome to quote. The real quotes are between the 2 younger ones.

Next is Great Aunt Janet. 
She, is the Boss.

Aunt Janet says:

• You can eat anything animals can eat! Think about it, even snakes! Its a delicacy! Just stick a fork right behind its ears!

• (She was talking about some kind of conspiracy) Aunt Mary says: you don't know that for sure. You just suspect... Aunt Janet says: Yeah, but i can pass it off as a suggestion.. Aunt Mary says: Slander...

• Get your degrees kids!

• Drink your whole milk. Its a good source of calcium. Not that 2% stuff. Its basically just skim. They skim all the calcium out of it!

• When Vince (Her grandson) Makes his first million, he better remember his grandma. I don't care about his parents - granny's first! I'll probably be dead by then, anyway, so oh well.

Then is Great Aunt Mary.
She's the one with the Jokes. But whenever she tries to tell a joke, Aunt Janet just tells her to shut up.

Aunt Mary says:

• I love kissing cute boys. Aunt grace says: aww listen to her. Aunt Mary: SO WHAT? I'm single!

• To aunt Janet: Your getting dull to live with.

Great Aunt Marys words of wisdom.

We asked her for some words of wisdom for life in general. She closed her eyes, folded her hands in front of her face and said:

• Pray often, and listen to your parents.
• Also, wear a smile on your face, and have fun.
• Stay outta politics, stay outta Hollywood, and study hard. (And aunt Janet says: shadap!)

Here is a nice picture of Aunt Janet and Aunt Mary:

Left, Aunt Janet, Right, Aunt Mary.

They have both stated that they don't want their identity's revealed all over cyberspace. Hence the black bars protecting their identity's.


Every time you see them, they love to give you nice big kisses. And they always make comments like, YOU TRYING TO AVOID US? I DIDN'T GET MY KISS YET.

And every once in a while, they go to a casino to do a bit of gambling.
They all have a system for gambling. The first 20$ they bets with, all the profit goes to the Church. After that they get everything they win. Aunt Janet is the lucky one. She walks in, and "Feels" which machine to spend her money on. After she decides which is the right one, she spends all her money on it and she always get a bit of a profit.


They love to gamble, love kisses, and they love to make people happy!
Which they do a good job at.

NEW YEARS.

Happy 2012 everybody! World hasn't ended yet, that's a plus.
Sorry for the late blog post, but I wanted to save this puppy for new years.


For new years this year, I had my cousins Alex, and Christopher over. Alex is sleeping over at my house so he is sitting right next to me helping me write this. They both got to my house at around dinner time and we killed time by playing Terraria on the computer for about 3 hours. After that we got kicked off by our parents, so we went and played a game called Quelf. Where basically you pick a card, and you have to do what it says or you get a penalty. So, Christopher was sitting under the table, and I was playing leap frog with Rob while Alex was singing "Take me out to the ball game" This game, is quite entertaining.

After we were done with that it was time for the ball drop. So we all went downstairs and started shooting each other in the face with those unrolling party thingys.

After counting down, the clock hit midnight and we all went WHOOOOO! Then screamed because of all the people making out on the TV. We turned off the TV, shook hands and started to make jokes about HEH, I BET I'M THE FIRST PERSON TO DO THIS THIS YEAR... LOHLOHAHAEHH.
or,
FIRST TOOT OF THE YEAR,
FIRST TEXT OF THE YEAR,
Etc, etc.

Or even,
I HAVEN'T SHOWERED SINCE LAST YEAR,
I HAVEN'T DRANK ANY WATER SINCE LAST YEAR.
The list goes on and on and for some reason, these jokes never get old.


After all that new years stuff, the party continues until the wee hours of the night.


While I was writing this, Alex has drawn this beautiful picture that explains the 2012 new years perfectly:

Happy new years!